What does it take to be successful?
That's the million dollar question and I guess the answer is different for everyone.
Some people believe in order to succeed on a massive level, you need to be obsessed with work. I have read that sentiment in books and heard it from some of my mentors. "The ultra-rich work 11, 12, 13 hour days to make their grand vision a reality. They eat, drink and sleep work. That's what makes them successful," they say.
On the other side of the coin, you have people teaching that you need to have perfect balance between all the areas of your life, work, play, spirituality and personal development.
The truth lies somewhere in between - as it often does.
If you're working on a grand business vision, you will need to be out of balance, especially in the early stages of its' creation. You will have to work long hours and put a lot of mental energy into it. The same is true, during times of financial crisis. You need to go out of balance to turn things around. There's no other way to make it happen.
There are times where you to need to be out of balance but not so much that you fall over and collapse! You cannot ignore, or just pay lip service to the other areas of your life, you must work on them as well. Not doing so, turns you into a one-dimensional human being.
There are people who are "workaholics." They've been out of balance for their entire business life. They say, "Some day, I'll get in balance but right now I'm going to work, and work and work and work. Then, in next five to ten years, I'm going to cash out, have fun and spend time with my family and friends doing what I want to do." But, because these people are obsessed with work, those five to ten years turn into another five to ten years. They never reach their balance point.
On the other hand, there are people who are wealthy, successful and lead a balanced life. My good friend, Yanik Silver, works really, really hard but he also plays really, really hard. I've been out with Yanik when he does not even mention work. Matt Furey, a marketer who I really respect, makes millions and millions dollars a year. He too works extremely hard but he also takes much time off for rest, relaxation, exercise and spiritual nourishment.
Note the title of this blog post is, "Do you need to be obsessed to be successful?" The key word is "successful." If you're only definition is to become mega-wealthy and bring your business vision to fruition, then the answer might be "yes." But, at least to me, that's a shallow definition of success. At the end of your life, do you want people to say, "Geez, he worked really, really hard and man was he really, really rich. Period."? I don't think so.
I can hear Jim Rohn talking about how, early in his business career, he was obsessed with work and getting rich. Then in in a very serious, tone, he adds, (and I'm paraphrasing), "If I knew the true price I would have to pay, I most certainly would not have paid that price."
As business owners, we can't have a nine to five existence, I understand that. We love our business and enjoy working on it - oftentimes for long hours. We think about our business, talk about it and want to make it grow. We want out businesses to make us a lot of money and we work damn hard to make that happen.
But, we need to be more than our business because we are more than our business. Never forget that life is happening right now and right now is all that's guaranteed. Don't wait for "some day" to live a full life. If you do, that "some day" may never come.
Laugh, cry, work hard, play hard, connect to God, enrich your personal relationships, take care of your health and live a full and fulfilling life right now. It's all you have.
~Dave Dee
P.S. I am really interested in your thoughts about this subject. What do you think? Post your comments on the blog now.
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15 comments:
Dave,
I suppose the first thing that one needs to do is define success. I define it as movement in the direction of a worthwhile goal. It (for me) is not about accummulation of assets. It turns out that I already have everything I need to be who I am.
The next thing to look at is the issue of balance. If we are really in balance then getting out of balance for any reason is a personal choice rather than a requirement. Had we really been in balance we would not have the need to go out of balance to accomplish a particular thing. Urgent financial situations are created by being out of balance, even when they occur as the result of the actions of others. If a company owing you money goes bankrupt your reserves will take care of the situation if you are really in balance. If you aren't in balance, the matter will become urgent and you will go out of balance in order to resolve a time crunch, not a money crunch.
The Great Way is not difficult when the destination is of no consequence.
Simple goals, simple roles, persistance and passion help keep one in balance. Recognition of areas of responsibility is the cornerstone of balance.
All my best,
Paul Curtis
As you mentioned, it all depends on how you define success. If success means you "die with the most toys", being obsessed with acquiring the means to buy those toys is necessary.
If you define success as having quality time to spend with family and friends, that requires a different focus.
I think that the main idea is to know what you are really looking for. I have seen many people chasing money thinking it would bring them the life they wanted, and never finding it; chasing some elusive goal (more money, more power, a promotion, etc.,etc.) I have also seen people with less money living the life of their dreams, because they put the quality of life they wanted first.
I think we too often let what we really want slip away because we lose the focus and put all our effort into creating "someday."
Hey David I think you have it right. I'm a realtor and i just lost my father in New York. He was a wonderful man and understood what true success was. He was very kind to other elderly people and did many good works in his later years. He died successful but financial success eluded him. He did raise nine children so I think this may have had something to do with it. I was talking to my daughter last night anad she said teary eyed that she had some things that she wqnted to say to her deceased grandpa. We called him in together and told him together how much we loved and appreciated him and that we hope he was doing well wherever he is. It was a very tender and precious moment with her and although it felt hard it brought us much closer. These are the times that I enjoy and appreciate. Sometimes sadness and reflection soften and open the heart. I want to follow in my fathers footsteps but I want the financial rewards that I feel my family and I deserve. I Thank You for your wise advice and always read your ideas on life and business. Keep up the good work.
To me, everything takes a back-seat to family in the long run. I would never work so hard and become so obsessed with success that it lead to the demise of personal relationships or resulted in me not being there for the ones I love. I choose to make (sometimes money-losing) sacrifices so that I can live near, spend time with and be there for my loved ones. Everything else is just stuff.
Dave, you are so right. Its all about balanced Goals. Any osession becomes destructive. I teach my clients creative energy never visits us unless we are fully engaged recreation, meditation, etc.
Greatness requires knowing when to back off, and when to pour it on.
Keep up the good work, but savor every day.
Thank Dave,
good point. It's important to remember that we all leave this world one day (it's so easy to forget this.) Do we take anything with us?
I don't know, but we certainly don't take our money or our businesses.
So enjoying the moment, keeping in mind that we don't know how long we will be here, is very important.
Dave, I walked away from the corporate struggle 8 months ago, sliding deep down into a pit of financial despair darker than I've ever seen before (and unfortunately, I've dealt with financial difficulty throughout most of my adult life!) But after spending the holiday season preparing to host the first complete family gathering in nearly a decade (with a separation, 2 heart attacks and an estrangement suffered collectively by 4 siblings in the interim), I then hit my 45th birthday, looked around at my elderly, but still independent mother and two healthy twenty-something sons each finding their own way without the benefit of a college degree, and said: "Yep, I'm a success." Broke, perhaps, but more clear-headed than ever and ready to finally launch a writing career while working part-time to start digging out of my financial hole. There is no way that success in life can be defined by work alone, and I don't envy my friends and family - or their stringent workdays - a single bit. For some, the money never flows freely. But the riches are likely there, just the same.
Dave...
I always enjoy your posts and newsletter. Excellent sound advice for business and for living.
Success is a personal definition. If I can be a great and loving father to my daughter, then I've succeeded as a dad. If I can be a great husband and lover to my wife, then I've succeeded as a mate and life-long companion. If I can run a profitable business, treat my staff well, and enjoy the ride and process and continue to learn and grow and change as I go, then I've succeeded as a businessman. If I can achieve optimum health, stay fit, eat healthy foods, swim regularly and treat my body as a gift, then I've succeeded in staying physically fit. If I can give back to the community and the world so that my words and actions influence or change at least one life (though hopefully many more) for the better, then I've succeeded as someone who makes a difference. If I'm in alignment with my faith and spirituality and act consistently from a place of compassion and nonjudgment, then I've succeeded as a human being.
Now, as you say, balance is a tricky thing. Because whenever we're focused on any one of these five 'F's: family, friends, finances, faith, fitness--then at least one of the others is not getting attention. It's not so much 'balance' as it is 'harmony.' And for those of us who are always striving to excel in all these areas, you can truly put some unrealistic demands on yourself. The question I always ask myself as I put my head on my pillow each night is, "Did I create 'spectacular' in my life today? Did I make a difference?
Sometimes yes, sometimes it's "I could've done better."
I'm grateful for everything I am and have in my life, and I never take any of it for granted.
Your posts are very provocative, Dave. Keep 'em coming.
Dave, right on as always. I always forward your emails to my friends that I think will get it, or could use it at this time of their lives. I often find myself in the same shoes, and man, this is "The Secret" on steriods! You are a well enlightened being, my friend.
Chuck Palm
I read this today in YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME AGAIN, by Thomas Wolfe -
"There is something good in the way people welcome success, or anything - no matter what - that is stamped with the markings of success. It is not an ugly thing, really. People love success because to most of them it means happiness, and, whatever form it takes, it is the image of what they, in their hearts would like to be. This is more true in America than anywhere else. People put this label on the image of their heart's desire because they have never had an image of another kind of happiness. So, essentially, this love of success is not a bad thing, but a good thing. It calls forth a general and noble response even though the response may also be mixed with self-interest. People are happy for your happiness because they want so much to be happy themselves. Therefor it's a good thing. The idea behind it is good anyhow. The only trouble with it is that the direction is misplaced."
Sucess, by and large, is defined by society. Happiness, on the other hand, is defined by the individual. Seldom are the two things the same.
Dave, I agree with you. Success is not measured by zeros after a dollar sign. I just got home from attending an Ole Miss Basketball game with my 9 year old son. We had a blast and I was able to be there and enjoy the moment without thinking about my business. I have been in business 10 years and must admit 10 years ago I could not have gone to that game and been totally there mentally. At the onset of any business start up there is always more time and energy spent mentally, physically, and spiritually. However, as you get further down the road more balance should be a priority for anyone. I feel that this "balance" is the only thing that can keep us "sane". Thanks for allowing me to share my thoughts. Be well and succeed.
People often ask me ...
"How can I get rich?"
Well ... let me tell you how I did it.
1) I learned very early in life that the ONLY way to make money was to "sell" something ... either a product or a service ... something people wanted or needed - or - do something for them they couldn't, or wouldn't, do for themselves.
2) I learned to "make do" with what I had, until I could get what I needed to do a better job.
3) I learned that I had to do anything necessary to get to where I wanted to be, even if I didn't like doing it (especially if I didn't like doing it). -- You can do ANYTHING you need to do ... until you can do what you want to do.
4) I learned to never ask anyone to do anything for me that I wasn't willing to do myself - and - everyone who has ever worked with me has taught me about what they have done for me and how they did it. After a while, I could do it, too - but - maybe not as well as they did.
5) I learned to "pay" for what I wanted. If I couldn't afford it, I saved-up to be able to afford it. (Sometimes if seemed like forever.)
6) I learned that no matter how long it took to achieve my goal (whatever it was), it would have been just as long if I hadn't persisted, but I would have accomplished nothing.
7) I learned that NOTHING is as easy or as fast as it should be. It only gets easier and faster when you know how to really do it - and - learning how to really do it is just a matter of doing it over, and over, and over, until you finally find out how it works. Of course, if you give up after the first (second, third, or fourth) try, you'll never do it.
8) I learned that "money" is NOT an end unto itself ... it is only a way of keeping score. (The saddest people in the world are those who are forever chasing the almighty dollar - and - the vast majority of them have no real respect for money.)
9) I learned that my most prized possessions were my customers. People who, directly or indirectly, paid for my lunch every day. (That's why, unlike my contemporaries, I reply to my customers emails personally.)
10) I learned to ASK for what I wanted or needed - and - to graciously accept a "NO" as readily as a "YES."
YES ... you can get rich - but - you'll have to do it yourself.
No one will do it for you!
I get tickled by people who want to start at the top of the ladder. -- For some unknown reason, they honestly believe they are better than I am, since I had to start on the bottom rung and climb up one rung at a time.
When I mention the above, I often hear ... "Yeah. I could do that - but - it will take too much time. I need money now - and - I don't want to just make a little money, I want to get rich."
Sorry, you'll have to start where I started. -- Do what you need to do to make a little money. Then, do more and more of it to make more and more money. As you make more and more money, the greater the opportunities you will have to make even more money. -- Nothing succeeds like success ... even small success.
The more things you don't want to do, the fewer and fewer things you will do ... until you are doing as most people do ... NOTHING but dreaming!
I can teach you "how" to do it but, you won't get it, until you actually start doing it yourself.
J.F. (Jim) Straw
Hi Dave, This is a great topic/question. Thanks for posting it.
But really you hit it exactly right: balance is really, really important to be healthy, happy, make the world a better place, etc.
BUT
There are times when you to need to be out of balance, when it's even good to be out of balance...(as long as it's not so much out of balance that you lose your health or important relationships in the process!)
Here's the key thing:
It's not hard to build in time for all parts of your life, even if you're obsessed with one part.
When I'm out of balance in part of my life because of a new initiative I'm excited about and really want to work on, I make sure to schedule in some time each week for the other parts of my life, even if it's less than an equal amount.I know there's a time and a season for everything...and pretty soon I'll be spending more time bike riding, traveling, seeing old friends.
Dave,
Great Post.
I'm stopping work right now and going to eat lunch with my son at school... cause it wont be the days I missed eating lunch with him that he remembers. It will be the days I stopped working to go eat lunch with him.
THANKS for the insight and reminder!
Brian Cole - Georgia Promotions
www.GeorgiaPromotions.com
Hey Dave,
To be "successfu" you certainly don't have to be obsessed.
But with that said, I think that the most successful people ARE obsessed with what they do.
There is no black and white.
It's grey.
They don't feel the need to "get away" from their work.
It's play.
Simply put: they sincerely LOVE what they do.
Jordan
Trump
Armstrong
etc.
etc
Now with that said,
I also think that people these people LOVE other things too (family, friends, travel..etc)
Therefore their life is much more than just their main occupation but in a way it's all connected b/c their proud of what they do; it's who they are...
So they do have vaiety but they don't seek "balance" in the normal sense of the word...
I guess it is a form of balance, but it's more like living life to the fullest.
I think that's kinda the point you were making...
Anyway I enjoyed your post - have a great weekend
-R
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